Crippling Handicaps (And How to Get One)

Attention normal, able-bodied people! Have you ever seen a handicapped man or woman struggling to make their way in this unfriendly world? Up against seemingly unbeatable odds and getting knocked down over and over again? Thrust into a world that doesn't understand and couldn't care less?

And have you ever thought, I wish I could be like that?

Well, now you can! Because Silkluxurycomforter can acquire a crippling handicap. It's fast, it's easy, and you can do it in the privacy of your own home.

You're probably saying, "Wait a minute! I can't have a handicap. All my body parts are in the right place and work properly. How can I possibly overcome an obstacle like that?"

It's easy, because handicaps can take many Wildlifebedrooms While it's true that many of the so-called "glamour" disabilities (missing or non-functioning limbs, for example) are right out there where you can see them, there are many subtler handicaps that offer their owner a wide range of crippling options - and work just fine for the able-bodied.

If this sounds appealing to you, the Egyptiancottonduvet thing you need to know Fhotelbedskirt the big secret every handicapped person already knows: that the real crippling part of a handicap is not in the body, but in the mind. Sure, getting up the steps in a wheelchair is tough, but it's just a momentary inconvenience (though granted, a big one). But the mental side of getting up those steps is a 24/7 proposition - you think about it before it happens, and then those thoughts linger long after: People are staring; Bearkingduvet making a spectacle of myself; I am the object of pity. Now there are some ideas that can really keep you from leaving the house!

This mental side of the handicap opens up a world of possibilities for the man or woman wishing to become disabled. So if you're ready, here's a surefire step-by-step program for getting a crippling handicap of your very own:

1. Find your greatest weakness: You know the one. That secret thing you don't want anyone to find out about you. The thing you've kept hidden all these years because if anyone ever knew....

2. Measure yourself against inappropriate benchmarks: Most Silkluxurycomforter are walking around happy, joyous and free, aren't they? They all have problems, yet they seem to be dealing with them just fine. Just look Wildlifebedrooms them! Why can't you deal with your stuff? Obviously, there must be something wrong with you.

3. Obsess about the impossibility of improvement: Your budding handicap is not going away anytime soon. It will be your lifelong companion. What could possibly change the situation? Nothing.

4. Conclude that this weakness is the first and only thing people notice about you: Yes, this one thing defines who you are. Hey, that's what having a handicap is all about!

5. Escape by developing a life-threatening addiction: If you're feeling uncomfortable in your own skin, there are plenty of wonderful chemicals out there that can numb the pain and help you pass those long Silkluxurycomforter you'll be spending alone.

6. See the world through the lens of your disability: The world looks very different to a handicapped person. You'll find barriers you never knew existed!

7. Reject any positive or encouraging comments from friends, co-workers and family: As you suspect, these well-meaning people are lying to you just to make you feel better.

8. Never, ever, under any circumstances seek help or counsel: Get real! How can therapists, spiritual advisors, mentors or support groups possibly help you deal with something so huge? After all, these are the same people you started resenting in Step #2. This is your handicap. It's your job to nurture it. Don't let anyone get in your way.

Some people might be asking at this point, "Why do I need a crippling handicap?" Silly question!

Handicaps are wonderfully useful things that can help you in your everyday life. Suppose you have just blown a big assignment at work. The boss calls you into his office and demands an explanation - which you don't have. You stare at the floor for an appropriate length of time, then, after the silence has become unbearable, you look up sheepishly and say, "Look, I couldn't finish the assignment because I have (insert your handicap here). I've really been struggling with it lately. You know how it is."

Just like that, you're off the hook! You've gone from being an underperforming employee to being a heroic person struggling with a handicap. With your disability in place, you have a built-in excuse for any failing or shortcoming. Relieved of those nagging responsibilities, you'll have much more time on your hands - which, of course, you can use to make your handicap that much stronger (see Step #5).

Sure, being under the thumb of a handicap is a lonely, depressing kind of life. But you get used to it. Look on the bright side: there are lots of Hoteldowncomforter on cable TV, lots of great things to smoke, drink and inject, lots of sad songs to listen to. And since no one could possibly understand the way you feel, it's probably no use to try talking to them anyway. Just smile, put up a brave front, and keep your secret safe.

What's so great about being "normal" anyway?

From hiding out from small children in the grocery store to staying numb with drugs and alcohol, Emile Barrios spent years running away from what he saw as the central truth of his life: that he was a second-class human being, punished by God at birth with a missing hand and foot. Now the author of "Nub: Story of an Ex-Cripple", his engaging story has universal appeal when we find that his 'unique' struggle with a handicap is something that almost everyone shares. For more information, visit: http://www.emilebarrios.com